i am in a hotel room in huntsville, alabama and i'm not quite sure how i got here.
i don't even care anymore! i'm not sure i'll ever get back to california.
fuck bad tv, fuck bad wine, fuck the rain, fuck airplanes.

sucks!

i feel confused.


i want to be alone but there's always people in my room.

i don't even care about you anymore, livejournal. that picture, i don't even look like that anymore. that picture might be five years old.

actually i look exactly the same. and i'm exactly the same as i was five years ago. i suck!

i quit my job.

foodstampz!

i got a job. why am i not more excited??

i can't believe they gave that german guy a double arm transplant and it worked.

i'm in richmondddd.

1500 Farzed Jehani, who owns the popular backpacker haunt, the Leopold Café, told the BBC how it was stormed by gunmen. "Two people from the outside... started firing into the premises," he says. "For a minute it was like firecrackers, but they realised very soon that it wasn't - it was bullets flying. A grenade was thrown into the restaurant which, yes, blew [up]... Two of my waiters died. There was around five or six tourist bodies lying on the floor, as well as five or six Indian people who were lying on the floor, dead."

i can't believe this. this is my favorite restaurant in bombay! last week i ate there for the last time. i know that guy farzed, we joked around a lot, he asked me to go to his sister's wedding with him. i wonder which of the waiters died. all of this is very shocking. i could have stayed. i was going to stay in india, through to december, but i didn't. i just left bombay last week...

and i noticed that they took all the security stuff down at the taj! i even told my mom that when i got home. my mom's work puts her up at that hotel. i stayed there twice. in the palace- the part that's been on fire for two days. everyday it made me think of bombs going off. (i also had just watched that movie vantage point) but then they took the stuff down last week and i laughed at myself for watching too many movies... of course bombs wouldn't go off in bombay...

long live bombay, which i feel in love with, which my heart is bleeding for. and not just the backpackers or the business men in coloba. i am crying for the rickshaw-wallas, and the chai-wallas, and the trash pickers, and even the policemen and the goondas. for all the families who were sleeping on the floor of VT station waiting for their trains when the bombs hit.

can you imagine if 911 went on for two days? and hit restaurants and five star hotels in new york? or grand central station?

i'd like to report that i am all better, but i'm not. i'm still super sick from being in india, and now i have mrsa (staff infection) on top of that. it fucking hurts, too. i'm pissy and anti-social.

palm springs is nice, though. it rained here last night, which is very unusual. i woke up at midnight and watched it rain. this morning there were giant white clouds floating in the mountains. oh wow, there still are. i like it here in the gay desert. it's quiet.

it just sucks that i feel like shit. i want to help cook, but i can't, i'm contagious. i want to swim in the hot tub, but i can't...

in india i resolved to quit complaining so much but it's harder than usual because i have so much more to complain about. haha

it's crazy being an american surrounded by not-americans during the elections. everyone from europe seems to know so much more about everything than i do. they are teaching me about my country. but i don't know much about my country. last night i got in a fight with an israeli about what state the grand canyon is in and we placed bets and he won. fuck, i'm so ignorant.

so yeah i'm still in india. im in varanasi, the most exploding and awe inspiring city in the world. that i've ever seen anyway. if things were different, with everything, with money, i'd stay forever. i'd get an apartment overlooking the ganges for 25 US dollars a month, enroll in hindi courses and learn to play the sitar or some shit. then i'd move to rajistan and teach english for the rest of my days.

alas, i must leave on friday and go to bodhagaya (sp?). i haven't met any other travelers that have gone there, but i'm pretty excited. maybe you will never see me again. maybe i will move into a monestary. maybe i will never leave india and will never return to the states.

that would be nice. i will come back eventually. in the mean time:

IF ANYONE WANTS TO SEND DONATIONS TO KEEP TAYLOR IN INDIA LONGER PLEASE SEND A WESTERN UNION TO THE SHANTI GUESTHOUSE IN VARANASI, UTTAR PREKESH, INDIA. EMAIL MEELOSAINT@HOTMAIL.COM FOR HER FULL NAME, MAILING ADDRESS, AND DATE OF BIRTH.

I JUST RODE FRMO MUMBAI TO GOA ON A MOTORCYCLE AND I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED.

yay

and i got a tattoo

i swear i am the most indecisive person i know. the most spontaneous, flippant, hasty person i've ever come across. ever.

i wish someone would make decisions for me.

Diwali is the most annoying holiday. indian people are so fire hazardous it's unbelievable. fucking four year-olds in the streets (totally overcrowded streets, mind you) lighting off firecrackers. it's so loud.

actually, i think i just want to come back to america. chris is right. chris is usually right and i usually despise him for it.

india smells so bad.

there are cows, monkies, naked babies. the things i saw today were too beautiful/horrifying to describe on livejournal. this city is the whole world. i can't even believe how crowded it is. i can't even believe how colorful everything is. yet so fucking brown.

shit, i'll just show you pictures when i get back.

going to see a movie.

uhhhhh. everything's so weird.
recovering from sid and feeling like shit. i'm being cranky. i said mean things to my mom.

does anyone have any short term solutions for my life?

or

does anyone want to be my rich benefactor?

mostly i've been just thinking fuck everything lately. everything sucks, life is empty and meaningless and empty and meaningless and empty and meaningless.

then i found out i'm going to india next week. should cure my restlessness.

dude.

oh god
what ima do now

oh man

i am really nervous about hurricane gustav.

unfun stuff that happened so far this summer:

going to jail
getting staff infection
that night when david smashed a beer bottle over that guy's head
being really depressed for a few days
san diego
seeing jerry's mom

awesome things that happened so far this summer:

riding trains
seeing chris stillborn
oakland xgogolplex
figuring out the point of life the first time
figuring out the point of life the second time
having inner paradigm shifts
going to red rock at corona heights in san francisco



i'm in palm springs and i'm doing pretty well. i have all these crazy ideas in my head.

BLOW SHIT UP! DESTROY AND DEMOLISH THINGS. DISINTEGRATE LIFE.

more on that later.

tomorrow i am leaving for san francisco. the days aren't long enough. my sister is in town. the thoughts that ran through my head for the last week amazed me, suprised me. something inside of me is changing without my permission.

sometimes it's good to be alone for a long time. i'm not sure what will happen next.